dreams & nightmares

dreams & nightmares - my other worlds

'sin tax'

[This dream] took place in the near future. I was going to see a movie with a couple of other people. In the theater, before the movie or previews started, an announcement of a sort was run on the screen. It was a description of the fees imposed for various luxuries/sins/crimes.

You could smoke, in the theater, and they showed someone injecting a white powder which my friends and I understood to be Ecstasy, into the cigarette, but you had to pay the fee, which was extortionary. All of them were, and they were for things like having a tattoo ($60), having any piercing ($20 per), smoking ($80), etc. This was all just to sit in the theater and watch a movie.

A man sitting near me had to pay $180 for his 'luxuries'. People were going up the aisles collecting the fees, like the collection at church. I wondered what would happen if they found out I had a tattoo and hadn't paid the fee.

Later we were trying to find someone's phone number who was very hard to find, and looking in the phone book, we found someone of the same name, and listed beside it were some abbreviations. 'T & P, N, S, D'. I understood that these abbreviations were mandatory for anyone listed in the phonebook, and that they announced the 'sins' or nasty habits of everyone. Since we knew that the person we were looking for had a tattoo and smoked, I insisted that this was probably the right one, since not many would dare to do those things anymore, at least not all of them AND be shameless enough to have it announced to the world for all to see.

I was somewhat galled and shocked that the world had become such a place that people had to register their luxuries/sins like a sex offender.

'the bad seed'

I had an awful nightmare a couple of nights ago. There was a 3-year-old girl (a cousin, perhaps?) who had killed a baby (her little sister?) horribly, by putting it in the dryer, one of those big industrial kinds like in laundromats which get WAY too hot. This girl had done it at night while the mother had just stepped outside for some reason. When the mother finally found the baby there was not much left but the somewhat-tattered skin. It was so awful. We found out later that she had done the same thing to the cat, a calico.

In the night the little girl came to my bed and clawed my scalp deeply behind my ear, so deep that in the morning I found thick clots of blood matted in my hair.

Everyone was afraid of and for the girl, but no one knew what to do, or whether to do anything. She was totally silent and never smiled, she seemed changed permanently, possesed, or just altered.

The next night she snuck into my sister's room and she woke up to find the little girl just staring at her, in the dark right next to her bed.

Fuseli - The Nightmare (1791)

'chemical bath'

I had really weird dreams last night. In one part I was being forced to soak in a bath of kerosene. These two people had some control over me and wanted to alter my body via this kerosene soak, to use me for some criminal and evil purpose. I think it was supposed to turn my skin orange and my eyes red, along with internal changes. I knew it would shorten my life to do it, and I was terrified of the process, but I had no choice.

They shot me up with drugs to numb my nerve endings a bit, so I wouldn't scream and thrash around. When I was put in the bath it burned and stung, but the worst was the overpowering fumes. They were so strong it was impossible to breathe.

'the invaders'

I had a long, insane dream last night. It was the sort I usually have when I've been forgetting my medication, but I've been on schedule for days. It went on and on, even continuing after I woke up a couple of times thinking how incredible the dream was and how I'd like to finish it. Waking up from dreams like that make me feel like I've slipped loose from time, and am adrift in past, present, and future, all shifting and never sure which is the one that I belong in, or that is real.

This dream was in the future. I'm not sure how far. Maybe a hundred years, or several hundred. An invasion was taking place, an army that killed and destroyed and pillaged in strange ways. I'm not sure if the invading army were human. You couldn't see their faces. They were terrifying, and seemingly unstoppable.

I remember there being a lot of mass suicides, of people who had heard what was coming. A huge temple of priestesses? was throwing themselves over a waterfall on top of their building, because they had been informed by the invaders that they would now be a brothel for the army. I saw the bodies by the hundreds going over in their orange dress, some bodies caught in outcroppings and flapping loose in the rushing water.

I was with some friends trying to evade the forward invasion, slipping through buildings. At one point I stopped to pick up some beautiful clothes from a bag that had been dropped in someone's rush to escape. They were silk brocade dresses, embroidered in purple and green and other dazzling combinations of color. I and another friend couldn't help but stop to grab the beautiful things, but the few seconds we stayed were too much. Soldiers burst into the room and were right behind us as we ran.

We were chased a long way, finally into a huge warehouse area that was being used by the invaders for operations. There were bodies in piles everywhere, and I had to throw myself on top of one to avoid being caught. A man came walking over - it was Alfred Molina! - who I knew was the head scientist of the army. He came over to the piles where I was and asked, "What is this?" of one of the lieutenants. The lt. said, "Just trash, for you to experiment on."

The Scientist picked up a couple of dead bodies from another pile - they were pretty messed up - and threw them back disapprovingly. He then picked me up and asked the lieutenant why they couldn't bring him more in good shape like this. He didn't seem to notice - or care - that I wasn't dead, as if all the people of this world weren't really alive in a way that mattered anyway. He threw me over his shoulder, oddly gentle, as though wanting to take care with a good specimen, and carried me off to his lab. I was grateful to him for 'rescuing' me from certain death, albeit for an uncertain purpose. I also was comforted by his warm human body, a contrast to the merciless and possibly non-human army.

The Scientist immediately began to transform me into some creation for the invaders. I was paralyzed and helpless as he carefully cut off the top of my skull. I could see it as though I was standing over myself. It hurt but not unbearably. It was pretty gross. I don't remember the rest of the process very much, probably because he had removed some of my brain and replaced it with a huge amount of computer and machine stuff.

When I was 'finished' I was disengaged from a large circular computer that had encircled my head, but which was still wirelessly linked to my new computer brain. I had no more will of my own, and was only partly my own body. As I was guided to stand I discovered that my legs had been amputated and replaced with ten spider-like black metal rods for walking. I had a lot of incredible weaponry incorporated onto my body.

The top army people were somewhat sceptical, but the Scientist was almost gleeful and proud as a father as he walked me down the hallway of this command center. As he was describing my abilities to the army people I came to understand that I was now the most powerful weapon they had.

I was led into a huge grungy room with a crowd of about a hundred of the army warriors in the center. I understood now that they weren't human, but were sort of alien-cyborg-beast-warriors. They were programmed to kill the enemy, and to obey their superiors. They looked kind of like huge shiny black beetles in their armor, only terrifying. I was to walk among them as a test; if they sensed that I was the enemy because of what was left of my body and brain, they would tear me apart. I walked on my spider legs into the crowd as into a pool of water, until I stood at the center. The warriors just looked at me. I raised my weapon-clad fists in the air and howled a war cry, and they responded in kind as one. I was accepted as their leader.

Most of the dream is garbled after that. I had free passage and a lot of authority, but many of the top army people still didn't trust me and I knew they wanted to kill me.

At some point I was able to overcome the main computer and regain my free will. I had my legs (or someone's) reattached, but kept the weaponry. I was able to enter the command center and kill a few top army commanders before they realized I was not under control anymore.

A unit of guards armed with lasers tried to block my escape in the hallway, but with my weaponry and augmentation I far outgunned them. As they fired I disrupted their lasers and that set the guns to overload and cause a catastrophic explosion. In the same hallway were other scientists and their delicate and dangerously volatile experiments, so I knew the pending explosion would cause maximum damage. I slipped through a heavy blast shield that was closing, and sped out of the building.

I remember battling some of the other top commanders and augmented warriors and destroying them. One had four heads, and I threw a car on him. The body was crushed, and the four heads plopped dead a couple of seconds later, with surprised expressions. One of the commanders who had never trusted me was enraged and swore to hunt me down. The Scientist who had 'created' me was emotionally crushed, since I was his finest work and he didn't want his pride and joy destroyed, but he was watching his pride and joy cause the worst damage the invaders could suffer.

I remember rescuing the remaining soldiers of our own army and bringing them to safe places to recoup for attack, and also trying to nab some of the invaders' human soldiers who were indifferent to sides, and trying to get them to turn.

I took them all to a place far into the countryside, which was beautiful and resembled the Lake Country of northern England, all green cliffs and valleys. The landscape gave me hope.

The Nightmare - engraving (1783)

'under the school's gym'

I was riding in a car with a man. It was midday. We arrived at a huge and very old school building. It was Victorian, several stories tall, and very ornate, but still obviously a school building.

As we drove around to the back it was clear that the building was derelict; there were large holes in the roof, and a section of the entryway had collapsed, showing the stories inside. There was iron structure that was beautiful in fashion of an old iron spiral staircase. It was dark inside, but there was light shining down through the building from a hole in the roof, softly illuminating some of the interior. I was struck by how beautiful the building was, and how neglected.

We entered a room on the lower floor. The room was larger than a schoolroom, and I thought it might have been a small gym. There were small rooms just inside the door to the outside, like storage rooms or bathrooms or offices. We started digging with shovels in a corner of the hardpacked dirt floor. We were searching for something buried, and figured we wouldn't be disturbed since the building was apparently abandoned.

Before we had gotten very far, a car pulled up outside the outer door, which we had left ajar. A couple of people got out and we could hear them talking as they came towards the door. From what they were saying I gathered that they were getting the last of the old school records to take to the newer school.

We had nowhere to hide, since there was no other exit from the room but the outer door. We just tried to look like we were supposed to be there as the man came in. He had seen our car outside and the open door and was just curious, but didn't accuse; I think we told him we were just looking through the historical old building. I asked the man if the school was going to be restored, because I was horrified at the thought that it might be torn down. He said that it was going to be rennovated, and I was glad, but also worried that they might ruin the old style of the place.

We weren't able to continue our dig.

'under the school's gym' 2

I was in my old high school, in the gym. It was not overly lit, and was comfortable. We were sitting high in the concrete bleachers, some old friends and I, while some quiet event was going on below, that we didn't need to pay attention to. It was good. Someone suggested that the highest bleachers were never used and should be disposed of - or something like that - and I protested that they were the best seats in the gym, and I went up there to sit and demonstate that the sound quality and the view were great there.

Later on, I was outside, and it was mostly dark, and snowing. The students were all gone on winter break, but a couple of friends and I had come to search for something while everyone was gone. We had discovered that there was some kind of treasure that was buried underneath the floor before the school was built. We dug with picks and shovels, deep under the floor of a room just off the gym.

There were some gold coins shallowly buried, and we knew those belonged to the school, but what was deeper was before the school, and they didn't even know about it, so we reasoned it didn't belong to them. Still, we didn't want anyone to find out lest they thought differently and nabbed us for stealing.

The treasure was contained in long dark metal tubes, about 2 1/2 inches in diameter, and about six feet long. They were very heavy, and we didn't know how many were buried, but we figured we'd just keep digging them up as long as it was safe. We had worked every night when there were classes, carefully patching up the hole so that it couldn't be seen, and now we could work around the clock, in shifts.

It was in the wee hours of the morning, and I was pushing the big cart of the dark rods through the back hall towards the gym, where we were unloading them at a side exit. As I pushed the heavy cart into the gym, I saw to my horror that there were three adults in there, talking in low, serious, and ominous tones. It seems that they had discovered signs of our project and were investigating.

I froze, and tried to pull back into the hall before they saw me, but it was too late. My co-worker, who was right behind me, hurried us into a boy's bathroom to try to hide us, but I insisted we leave the door open behind us. "We were seen" I insisted, knowing that if we looked like we were hiding it would only make us look more guilty, like we knew that we were doing something wrong. The adults found us in the restroom then, and we were taken into custody as burglers.

It came out that the tubes we had been digging up contained plutonium, and we were guilty not only of trying to steal it, but of contaminating the school by carting it around. I felt truly awful for having been a thief and a selfish danger to everyone at the school. I had talked myself into thinking that it wasn't stealing if they didn't know it was there, but I had known beneath that it was very wrong.

We were one by one put before a firing squad of soldiers with machine guns, and were given a baton that lit up green on one side and red on the other, kind of like a runway guide's light stick. You were put before the firing squad, and if you felt guilty and remorseful, and wanted to plead for mercy from the court, you held up the green end, and they wouldn't shoot you, but would impose some lesser punishment. It was kind of a ritual, because it was taken for granted that no one would hold up the red end and get executed. Holding up the red end was considered defying the court, being unremorseful, and not asking for mercy.

When it came my turn, I felt so ashamed of what I'd done that I gripped the baton to cover up all the green, and held it up so the firing squad would see without a doubt that I was holding up the red. My friends behind me cried out "What are you doing?! They'll kill you!"

The bored-looking men of the squad weren't even holding their rifles up though, since it was normally just a gesture. They told me I was holding the wrong end up, and I was supposed to hold up the green, to turn the baton around. I refused and contined to hold out the red end, weeping. I wanted them to shoot me, because I didn't think I deserved to live.

The leader frowned and sighed and came over to try to talk me into turning the baton the other way around. I tried to explain that I wasn't being defiant or unremorseful, but the other way around; I really did think I deserved the death sentence the court had imposed. I began to see that there was no chance they would kill me as I'd hoped.

Francisco de Goya - The Sleep of Reason Produces Monsters

'dark worship'

My dream from last night involved some kind of cult, a very tiny-scale religion. They did not proselytize; if you heard about it and wanted to join, you were accepted in, but there were only a few members. The reason why became clear later on.

They met in a small church, and then walked through a wooded mountainous trail to an old house, the real meeting place. You drew lots for a spirit beast to inhabit you, which could be good, but at least one of the spirits was deadly, and would kill and eat its host in the most horrible way. Everyone silently hoped the new person would be the scapegoat, and provide the murderous spirit with its appeasing death. Apparently the more times it didn't choose you, the less likely it would. Thus, the group all looked on newcomers as fresh meat, so that they could 'worship' safely.

'zombie carrots'

This took place in Nederland, the mountain town where I lived. I became aware of a growing danger; zombie carrots were appearing and multiplying in the hills, and were approaching the town. No one cared or believed me. These monsters were carrots - undead, six-foot-tall carniverous carrots. They didn't have faces or limbs, they were carrots. If one touched you, you would become contaminated and eventually turn into a zombie carrot. Usually they just ate anyone in their path, horribly. It was awful.

I was running through town, trying to warn my friends, but they all laughed. Then I saw a huge mob of the zombie carrots nearing town. Some friends and aquintances were overcome by the zombie carrots, and I couldn't help them, though I tried to get them away. I was trapped between the carrots and the lake. I had no choice but to jump in and swim across, hoping they couldn't follow. I reached the other shore, freezing and exhausted, and was dismayed to see that the zombie carrots had swarmed around the lakeshore and I had no escape left.

'first dream'

I was driving a yellow Camaro, down a road in the town in which I lived. I pulled into the gravel lot in front of a tiny barbershop. This barbershop was a white cinderblock building about 12 feet long and 8 feet wide, and had only a door - no windows.

I got out of the car and walked in the open doorway. Inside it was dark and vast; the ceiling was not even visible, and the back wall was about 100 yards away, as were each of the side walls. The back wall was interspaced with enormous marble pillars, a dozen feet in diameter. Between each pillar was a wooden door.

As I watched, the doors opened in unison, and from each came a couple dressed in old-fashioned ballgowns and suits; they began dancing. I was filled with dread and terror, and ran back outside, got into my car, and drove away.

(end of dream)

I had this dream when I was 2 or 3. I woke up immediately afterwards, and stood on my bed to look out the window. I was proud of my bed, because it was a real bed and didn't have 'baby rails' anymore. At that age, I had no concept of being an adult (as I was in the dream), of driving a car, or the different styles of cars (many years later I found out the name of the car from my dream). The barbershop was real, but had a glass front; you could see the mirrors on the back wall. I suspect there was more to the dream that I didn't remember, but this part stayed so clear in my mind that even now I can recall it.

Fuseli - The Nightmare (1781)

'death of the family'

In one this weekend, my entire family committed suicide. In the dream, that was a good and happy thing, to escape some awful fate; end of the world plague? maurading zombies? not sure, but I saw a hugely bloated body outside being eaten alive by something. (This is what I get for watching Cloverfield) So to avoid this terrible death, we all drank poison. It was a very warm and loving exit, with everyone saying heartfelt farewells and lots of hugs, no crying.

We ran short of the poison at the last - my mom gave my sister and I a dixie cup each, and we downed them, but after a minute I knew mine had been just water, because I wasn't getting sleepy. I was filled with relief when I knew for sure everyone else had gotten their poison and was safe.

Then with most of the family dead but my Dad who was not sleepy yet, a couple neighbors, and I - the power came back on, Internet connection returned, and the end of the world was cancelled. The danger was over. We went outside to get in a car and drive somewhere for supplies/rebuilding/help, and I turned back to my Dad. "You already took yours, didn't you?" I asked, though I already knew it was too late - he was going to die shortly. He said 'yes', and smiled, resigned. Neither of us was too upset about this. I said my goodbyes and left him behind.

It was waking up from this dream that really disturbed me a lot.

The Dream of the Red Dress

The dream I just awoke from was vast, epic-like, an adventure that involved the whole of the fairy world that lived or had ever lived. There was a pervading sense of inevitable doom - Ragnarok - overshadowing everything, all of our magical and majestic efforts. The entire reach of Faery - all that still lived - few!, and I one - all that slept the sleep of 'waiting-for-the-next-world' - and the majority, those that were already dead and in the faery afterworld, which did not seem to be any barrier at all. The Faery were preparing for a Final Battle against a human and its cohorts, which were attempting to destroy the Faery Realms and steal all the power for themselves, useless though most of it would be in human hands.

I remember treading through dark wilderness forests in search of something, and we (a large party of faery) finally, as the clouds threatened to dump a blizzard on us, stumbled across a campsite all laid out for us, with kitchen areas, but most especially sleeping pads that were covered with tarps against snow.

That evening we accomplished our mission - a Fae from the Other Side of life appeared - huge, and looking through a colored shining breach in the cloud. We spoke to each other and made plans and preparations for the battle. The Fae was just as much in danger from the Human's attack as we, so the Fae agreed to send many Faery back to fight. As I remember, most Faery that were already dead returned for the battle, since there were so pitifully few of us still living.

I remember here a strange interruption of a man who looked like a cross between Stephen Spielberg and Neil Young (scary!) but I got the impression that he was a TV special director, and was explaining something about the 'Making Of...' what we were experiencing. He showed - and talked about - a Human's experience of dying where they see a bright light. Then he tried - with his special effects crews, to come up with some Faery version - a giant cluster of brightly glowing crystals was his first try. I was embarrassed - it was so shallow! I was disheartened to realize that the humans didn't grasp the richness and vitality of the Faery afterworldm that they thought it was a place where dead went and stayed dead. Most of the power of the Faery was in the Afterworld, still existing - be-ing! I was pierced to my heart with the understanding that the humans did not place any value on a most precious and powerful thing, and that they would carelessly steal and destroy it forever, in their stupid, locial, spiritless greed.

The next while was a rush of meeting up with various Faery - warriors, queens and kings, magicians, but mostly small folk like myself. Also some human experiences going on occasionally. One in particular - a young man living on a beach that faced another beach - a bay? He wanted to build a bridge spanning the distance, but he ended up building a bridge unusable for humans to walk or drive across - a Fairy bridge - because "a real one would never last" (against the weather, water currents, and abuse of human wear).

At last the battle comes. It was in a room in a tower first that I see the beginnings. A Faery warrior sits with his friend/lover - a human girl! who had joined up. I sense that she is truly sympathetic to their cause, but is foolish and weak. As they sit there by lamplight, she tells him that she couldn't help it, she unbolted the front gates to let the Humans in. He is utterly horrified, and draws his sword, and puts its point to her breast. She says nothing, just cringes, as without any hesitation he impales her, but I want badly to be her voice, for she wants to tell him she is sorry, that she didn't mean wrong, that she loves him. She is dead though, and he rushes down into the castle to alert everyone of the immediate battle at hand. I think it was cruel for him to just kill her like that, without asking why or trying to understand, but then I thought, he had to slay the traitor swiftly, friend/lover though she was, in case she spread her weakness and caused more damage, for the battle was utterly important over Everything. Nothing could be more vital, than Existence.

The battle is so gruesomely short and I remember only that the Human, the woman who steals, has robbed many of the Fae of their major powers already, and is using it against the rest to drain them and render them helpless. In desperation we fight physically now. I clearly remember, small fae though I am, attacking a tall human man, and putting him in a headlock with my arm. He struggled much but I was stronger, and he went limp rather too quickly - I had a feeling he was pretending so I would turn loose. I considered letting him go, for I did not want to kill him so badly, but then I knew if I let him go he would still be trouble, and at this point I knew we were doomed anyway, and I was full of rage and despair. I tightened my arm's hold, and he began to struggle again. I tightened my arm again and crushed his neck. His body went dead, and I dropped him.

I was heartened at my small victory and set my sights towards doing similar to the Woman, who stood in a stolen red gown sewn with jewels, in the center of the room, draining power from the Fae as her humans attacked them. I attacked humans desperately, trying to strangle and beat these merciless usurpers.

At last the battle was over, for the Woman had stolen much of the power of the Fae present,and she stood there with her few human allies, while she demanded all objects of power be given to her. The beaten and conquered Faery surrendered these objects to the men who walked about collecting them, though the objects were more important to them than any human could have appreciated, and were actually an integral part of their existence. I was appalled at the loss.

My turn came, and as I had only two small objects of power, and they were not much, I surrendered one - a purple hand - and kept back the other for a possible attack later. I knew this was hopeless, as the Woman had all the power of Faery at her feet now, and my remaining object of power was pitifully weak.

All around the room the Faery gave up their objects, their magic, their whole beings and meanings, to this greedy woman. Many wept as I did, Many gave out pleading protests and demands to not go further, as she demanded the Faery Afterworld. What could be done? - no one had any way of stopping her, but to steal what's left of one's past and future and destroy it! All the Faery that remained in the Afterworld ceased to exist, wordlessly, ignominiously. All the Faery that had come from there to fight in the battle cried out in their loss, for they had lost everything, and were already dead, so could not create anything anew, and had nowhere. "You are destroying us utterly!" but the protests were thrown at uncaring ears, for the Woman next demanded any remaining Faery treasures or objects, such as the Rings of Power that all Faery possessed. Once again the men strolled about as rings were handed over - most Fae own many. The Fae that still lived wept and felt their own doom at this, because without the smallest factor of a Faery's magic - the Rings - even living Fae are as good as dead, for they cannot create anything or travel in any realm, and can only live until they die. I dug in my pockets and withdrew my few Rings along with some gold and silver coins I had used in this world. The Woman laughed at me, and said "You may keep the money, and any stuff of this world." She laughed again, because she knew this was useless to a Fae.

After the looting had wound down the Woman and her entourage wandered off. I followed, hoping at a chance to attack her, for I was filled with rage and malice indignation and loss, and wanted only to tear her limb from limb. I called after her saying,

"Wait, I have something yet." She stopped as I handed over another Ring. She then proceeded on, but I called again,

"Wait, I have something else." So she stopped again and I gave her the last object of power. She began to turn away, but I grasped her shoulder to turn her back.

"Wait, I have one last thing for you." She turned back and I seized her under the arms and lifted her in the air - she had become like a rag doll now, with even a rag doll's painted-on face, and was very light. I wanted to rip her apart or squeeze her to death, but instead I looked into her eyes and began to open my mind to her, for I wanted her to know my desolation, my rage, my fear, my hopelessness at being a noble race wiped away. She looked at me with surprise and pity - condecending, and said - though the rag doll lips didn't move - "Oh, I understand how you must feel now. You feel like a little girl whose home has been ripped away by some adult who no longer sees or cares about the magic, because they grew up and sold out, but don't worry! Someday you will grow up into me and you'll get it all back! (the Faery Kingdom)"

I was so shocked at what she said that I put her down. She seemed to sincerely care for a moment, and to even speak truth, but that couldn't be the truth! I was grown, not a little girl, and I was Fae, so I was lost and without hope. Yet her words that "you'll get it back" struck such hope in my heart that I was willing to believe anything she said so it would be true. I ran after her crying, "But what do I do?" She told me just to live my life, but I told her I was Fae and because she had destroyed our world I had nothing to live for. She just shrugged, as if to say, "As you wish."

the end