Close-to-complete Ideology & Religion Shit List
Shit Happens, According To A:
Taoist: Shit happens.
Confucian: Confucius say, "Shit happens."
Buddhist: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
Zen Buddhist: What is the sound of shit happening?
Hindu: This shit has happened before.
Mormon: This shit is going to happen again.
Muslim: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Catholic: If shit happens, you deserve it.
Jesuit: If shit happens and nobody is watching, is it really shit?
Jewish: Why does shit always happen to us?
Protestant: Let shit happen to someone else.
Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
Unitarian: We affirm the right for shit to happen.
Baptist: Once you're saved, shit doesn't happen unless you backslide.
Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.
Anglican: It's true, shit does happen -- but only to Lutherans.
Greek Orthodox: Shit happens, usually in threes.
Calvinist: By preordination this shit hath come to pass.
Seventh Day Adventist: No shit shall happen on Saturday.
Sufi: The wise man never notices shit happening.
Creation Science: Shit has only been happening since October 23rd 4004 B.C.
Puritanism: S** can happen all day as long as you don't call it that.
Asceticism: If shit happens, renounce it.
Gnosticism: I know why shit happens but I won't tell you.
Reform Jewish: Got any Kaopectate?
Orthodox Judaism: So shit happens, already!
Shintoism: Shit happens everywhere. As long as you're stepping in it, show it some respect.
Vodoun: Shit doesn't just happen -- somebody worked it on you.
Secular Humanist: Shit happens because it evolved from proto-shit.
Goddess Movement: Shit happens and men cause it.
Mysticist: Weird shit happens.
New Age: Visualize shit happening.
Wicca: If shit happened once, it will happen twice more.
Occultism: Shit materializes from other planes of existence.
Christian Science: Shit doesn't happen and I am not up to my eyeballs in it.
Scientology: See Dianetics, "Why does shit happen?" (p. 157)
Jehovah's Witness: No shit happens until Armaggedon.
Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.
EST: I am at cause that shit will not happen.
Zoroastrian: Bad shit happens, and good shit happens.
Mithraism: Bull shit happens.
Church of the SubGenius: Shit happens. For $20 "BoB" will sell you a way to MAKE MONEY FROM IT.
Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
Satanist: Shit doesn't just happen... it's created by an asshole.
Atheist: Shit just happens and that's all there is to it.
Socialist: The same shit happens to everyone.
Political Correctness: Heavily processed nutritionally-deprived biological output happens.
Impressionist: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
Surrealist: Purple shit happens near melting clocks.
Cubism: If shit happens, you won't recognize it.
Dadaism: Shit bzzt gim blim ba dum boop!
Existentialist: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.
Stoic: So shit happens; I can take it.
Hedonist: If shit happens, enjoy it.
Vegetarian: If it happens to shit, don't eat it.
Purist: If shit has to happen, let ONLY shit happen.
Aztec: Cut out this shit!
Hopi: Corn fertilizer happens.
Dyslexia: Tihs happens.
Diplomacy: Let's pretend that shit doesn't happen.
Mathematician: Shit happening is just a special case...
Statistician: There is an 83.7% chance that shit will happen. Maybe.
Physicist (Theoretical): Shit SHOULD happen.
Physicist (Experimental): To within experimental error, shit DID happen.
Scientificism: We seem to think Shit Happens, but it's just a theory.
Scientific Reductionism: If shit happens, find out what kind exactly.
Scientific Obscurantism: Amorphous excrement does occur in given cases.
Classical Physics: Shit does not 'happen', it just moves around.
Holistic Physics: If shit happens, it happens everywhere at once.
Microcomputing: If shit happens, we'll fix it in the next version.
Engineering: When shit happens, paint over.
Heisenbergism: Shit happens, we just don't know where or how much.
Quantum Physics: Shit happens only in well-defined quantities.
Cartesianism: Shit happens to me, therefore I exist.
Platonism: There is ideal shit happening somewhere.
Pollyanism: It's so nice that shit happens!
Psychoanalysis: Shit happens because of your toilet training.
Behaviorism: You are conditioned to having shit happen.
Freudianism: If shit happens, it's your mother's fault.
Parapsychology: Shit happens without material causes.
Tabloid Sensationalism: Green shit from Mars happens to Elvis clone!
Phone Company: 911. Because Shit happens.
Murphyism: Shit will happen, at the worst possible time, and in the worst possible way.
Environmentalism: Good shit only happens once; bad shit is recycled.
Victorianism: Excrement occurs, but we do not partake in its discussion in civilized society.
Steel Magnolianism: Honey chile, the Shit that Happens makes us stronger.
Speaking of shit...