Tarot Weather


Tarot Weather Forecast

~~~~~~Almost guaranteed to be accurate!!~~~~~~

This Week's Tarot Weather Forecast:

  Ha ha!  You thought you'd never see another tarot forecast again, didn't you?  But you were WRONG!  Your prediction was WRONG!  Who's the fortune teller here, huh?  HUH?!

  Oh.  Where was I?

  Er, yeah... I was very dissatisfied with today's "professional" weather report.  Snow?  Rain?  Chilly?  But no, it was sunny, warm, and windy, just like it has been.  Not even an apology for being so far off the mark, for getting my hopes up.

March 30, 2006   

 This is the time of year when opposing seasons are thrown together in an arranged marriage, but not necessarily with bad results. The weather's holding off it's springtime bad temper, and it's benefits, too. A nice surprising blizzard could be waiting around the corner, though it wouldn't seem like such a treat at the time. It's important to remember that Mother Nature will never abandon us; she's not called mother for nothing.

  With it's vacillations and mildness, we have been lulled into thinking the winter is over. Though another drought does seem imminent, hope is on the horizon; a lush spring. The speed with which it arrives will be breathtaking, like Cupid's arrows in one's heart. The strict immobility and self-control of the recent weather may be swept away by its altar ego; gregarious, as benevolent as it is natural.

  Such a Spring is coming as will have people playing hooky and taking long picnics in the park; however, not all is as it should be.




This Tarot reading was done using the traditional Celtic Cross method, and The Sun was the significator.

The layout:

1. Present Influences: The Hierophant - Marriage, alliance, captivity, servitude; mercy and goodness; inspiration.

2. Obstacles: 4 of Swords - Vigilance, retreat, solitude, hermit's repose, exile, tomb and coffin.

3. Ideal Hoped For: The Lovers, reversed - Failure, foolish designs.

4. What is weather's to work with: Queen of Wands - A dark woman, countrywoman, friendly, chaste, loving, honourable. If the card beside her signifies a man, she is well disposed towards him; if a woman, she is interested in the Querent. Also, love of money, or a certain success in business.

5. What weather is turning from: The Moon, reversed - Instability, inconstancy, silence, lesser degrees of deception and error.

6. What weather is turning towards: The Star - Loss, theft, privation, abandonment; hope and bright prospects.

7. Attitude of the weather: 8 of Wands - Activity in undertakings, the path of such activity, swiftness, as that of an express messenger; great haste, great hope, speed towards an end which promises assured felicity; generally, that which is on the move; also the arrows of love.

8. Influence of environment: King of Swords - Whatsoever arises out of the idea of judgment and all its connexions-power, command, authority, militant intelligence, law, offices of the crown, and so forth

9. Hopes and fears: King of Wands - Dark man, friendly, countryman, generally married, honest and conscientious. The card always signifies honesty, and may mean news concerning an unexpected heritage to fall in before very long.

10. What Will Come: Page of Pentacles, reversed - Prodigality, dissipation, liberality, luxury; unfavourable news.

Report Archive

March 1, 2006

The weather is in rare form as a sort of Valium-doped wrestling game; ridiculous, slow, and weird. This fine pre-Spring weather may just secure us another drought, so a nice rain wouldn't be unwelcome. Trouble is, the jet stream is far from us; we're in the doldrums of weather: Weather at rest tends to want to stay at rest. The winter has been mild, and it wants to stay mild.

A fortunate change of weather might sneak in, bringing us the riches of nature. It's a 50/50 chance, though; the high pressure could well be solidy planted enough to resist. We're almost resigned to March being as dry and warm as ever.

Never fear; though it's hard to hold out hope, Mother Nature will be good to us yet. Spring will be an entirely unpredictable surprise. It's gonna be a wait, though.

February 23, 2006 

  We are presently enjoying the most tranquil and harmonious weather imaginable, against all rational laws of normal February weather. Can it be? That deep down, we are hoping for a nasty, wintery storm? The weather is doing its best to build up to some destructive crescendo, after driving us all crazy with its schizophrenic vacillations between sunny calm and frigid gales. We are all getting a little tired of the lack of useful weather - that is, precipitation. If the next couple of weeks would just give us something to hope for, this winter might not be a total wash.

  A wonderful, beautiful, deep snow is on its way... but no one will be expecting it, and it will cause chaos.


  No, just kidding.  We're going to have more of the same shit as we've been having - dry, sunny, alternating warm and freezing weather.

February 8, 2006 

  Dick Cheney is going to become a gay Baptist minister.

February 1, 2006

  We are in the midst of a very open, gregarious sort of weather, one in which people tend to go out a lot and be friendly. We want this fine weather, but at the same time are terrified of its results; a drought in the summer, wildfires. The best of both worlds is not possible, though we scramble for some ingenious loophole. This is a fool's dream; winter weather could turn ugly any day, prepared or not. We are wandering happily in a daze of mild weather, but that reverie may fall into an apocolypse of lost joys.

  The mild weather holds in an uneasy suspense, the climate is powerful though, and will have its way despite our worry. Heavy snowfalls may arrive soon and put us in our places, possibly even trapping us in. A bout of good old-fashioned winter weather will come, though what is good for some may not sound so nice to others.

January 18, 2006

  After a slight scare, all is still and quiet; eerily so, like the calm before the storm. We are all still worried that the good snow hasn't shown up yet. Fortunately, even disappointing weather is beautiful here, and we've made it through dry spells before.

  A strange little storm came through yesterday, leaving a little snow and very slick roads, but not much moisture or cold. Still, it was encouraging. The coming month will be merciful, bringing us the snow we all dream of. Right now winter seems to be on hold, sometimes just missing altogether, or just cut up into disjointed spurts. A fantanstic, galloping series of storms would be wonderful in some ways, yet destructive at the same time.

  We will have some cloudy days with little precipitation, though some light snowfalls will show us the winter hasn't forsaken us altogether.

January 11, 2006

Presently we are having fine weather, however, it is going mostly unnoticed and/or unappreciated, due to some windy days and intermittent chilliness. Everyone wants exciting and enjoyable weather, but we live in a climate that inevitably brings some hard winter conditions, even if they are the means of our livelihood for the coming year; i.e. good snow for the water needs of the land.

The weather has been seductively mild this winter, but may become excessively severe. While the conditions remain relatively tenative, it is a good time to prepare for future harsh times. The easy winter may lull some people into complacency, and the next month's weather may be unforseen and unprepared for. A nasty surprise may await the unwary.

Weather that puts people rudely back in their places is coming, and its violence may cause sorrow for those who were lolling in the false serenity of an easy season.