the Crypt



is a dish best served

...with fava beans and a nice chianti



When YOU deserve the last word... Send them a Poison Pen Letter


A short, romantic film, guaranteed to give you that warm and fuzzy feeling.


Send a message right from your heart


Or, if they really pissed you off...


Love is a mental illness*

It makes people pathologically disregard their own well-being

It causes depression, anxiety, mania, psychosis, obsession, insomnia, loss of appetite, loss of interest in personal hobbies, and big, expensive weddings.

"Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw."
Fran Lebowitz

Brain Scans Of Those In Love Nearly Identical To Those With Mental Illness

*Please understand that the English language is pathetically lacking in specific terms for love.  I refer to the kind of love that drives people to suicide and other acts of desperation, like weddings.

Browse through our Ancestor List

Are we related? Is your great-grandfather our mother's cousin's grandma's nephew once removed? There's only one way to find out . . . . Wake them from their graves and ask.

Thumb through the Family Album

Visitors, take a peek to see why you're lucky that you didn't get our family's genes. Family members, look to see if you inherited Great-great Grandma Martha's extra eyes. Or just review the latest family pictures: ever seen Dad without his head? Or Mom at her mortuary school graduation?

Family Reunion Preparation

Get ready for the upcoming family reunion! It's at Aunt Bertie's this year, so bring your bowling gear and your swimsuits. Also be thinking of which family member could be the following trees in the family grove: the nut tree, the fruity tree, the shady tree, the tree with the most bark, or the hangin' tree.

"A ship in port is safe, but that's not what ships are built for."

Anton Zeilinger of the University of Vienna said that he thought "the world is not as real as we think."

"My personal opinion is that the world is even weirder than what quantum physics tells us," he added.

Not So New!  Not So Fresh!

Movies I Hate!

These are movies that I think sucked SO BAD that I feel the need to warn you against them. They were so bad that I wished I could unsee them, or gouge my eyes out or something.

1. The Core. This was a painful viewing experience, and the pain didn't recede when the movie was over. It was humiliating to watch it, to know that someone had spent millions of dollars on this complete piece of crap, imagining that anyone would enjoy it. I had the overwhelming urge to seek out the producers of this... "film", and slap them. "What the hell were you thinking!" I would yell into their faces. I never wanted to see a man be roasted alive, or crushed to death, or drowned in molten lava. No, not even if the plot is ludicrous to the extreme. The one saving grace: I can now add the word 'Unobtainium' to my vocabulary. More comments about The Core below...

2. Batman and Robin. I really loved the first two movies, directed by Tim Burton, and the third was only mildly disappointing. This one however, was one of the first movies I almost walked out of. I wanted to ask for my money back it was so bad. The villainess Poison Ivy has always been one of my favorite comic book characters, and Uma Thurman used to be a real actress, but this was embarrassing for everyone in the film.

3. The Avengers. I grew up watching spy shows from the 60's like they were my personal life skills training lessons. Secret Agent, The Saint, The Avengers... you name it, I watched it. So I was excited when a movie came out about one of my favorite underground shows, even more so when I saw it starred Uma, Ralph Fiennes, and (shiver) Sean Connery. Emma Peel, that deadly and goddesslike heroine, would surely be translated well into modern times. Surely. Alas, the same asswipes who ruin every great story got hold of this one and made it a shameful parody. I am certain that every one of those actors wishes the movie had never been made. It certainly took them down several notches on the 'Serious Actor' list. And no, I'm sorry, but there's a big difference between a serious actor taking on a comic role, and a serious actor doing the worst performance of his or her carreer in a laughable role with a preschool script. This one assuredly is the latter.

4. Shock Treatment. I was a huge Rocky Horror fan in high school, went every Friday and Saturday night with my water pistol, toast, rice, deck of cards, etc. So imagine my excitement when I discovered a SEQUEL at a local video store. Big mistake. There was a reason no one had ever heard of it. It's TERRIBLE. It's so bad you wish you could actually go get a lobotomy and forget you'd ever watched it. Even worse, I could no longer go see Rocky Horror without remembering the vile trail of slime called Shock Treatment. Sequels don't have to suck, but this one takes the cake.

5. The Bone Collector. I just watched this movie last week, and it's the reason I am writing this list. I thought to myself, "Someone should warn people how bad this movie is". I am one of those OC people who can't stop any movie or book once begun, because the idea that it might suddenly get really good will knaw at me incessantly if I give up on it. Thus, I sat through this seemingly deep thriller, hoping against failing reason that it would get a plot. Or a point. I even thought to myself, "This should be the kind of movie I really like, but it has somehow entirely missed the mark." And it's not just that I can't stand Denzel - he can be a good actor, he just annoys me - the movie really is just a big facade with no meat behind it. No, with rotten, putrefying meat behind it. Yes, that's was the ending to this movie was: humiliating, revolting, rotten meat. Do you ever watch a movie and say, "WTF?" at some pointless or nonsensical plot twist? I was doing it nonstop by the end of this condecending pile of rubbish.

6. The Astronaut's Wife - You'd think a movie with Johnny Depp in it couldn't be all that bad, but... I had serious doubts that it really was Johnny Depp for much of the movie, simply because he is so stony-faced the whole way through, as though the director had said, "Ok, act like... a potato.  A malevolent, silent potato."  But that wasn't the worst part of this, er - film.  The title role, acted (but only in the broadest definition of the word) by Charlize Theron, is an embarrassing bellyflop into the world of hysterical, brainless housewifery.  She makes all those blond jokes come to life.  This movie could have been good.  It should have been good.  But it was a complete waste of time.

7. The Perfect Storm - If you've seen it, you probably don't need an explaination.  The Worst acting, the Worst plot, the most unbelieveable lines, and combine all that with more testosterone than should be allowed on a little fishing boat - you get a movie that is guaranteed to make you cringe, and cheer when they FINALLY die.

I'm sure there are more that my mind had blessedly obliterated out of self-preservation, but these are the ones that have scarred my movie-going experiences forever.

Other viewers' opinions about The Core:

This film actually lowered my I.Q.

I watched The Core last night. I wish I hadn't. I'm still nauseated.

This movie just sucks so bad i wanted the hour and half of my life back to waste on computer games.

This was so laughable, horrible, highly predictable to an incredible degree, boring, badly acted and has one of the worst scripts I've ever been subjected to. How in gods name this ever got made I do not know.

This message hasn't been destroyed by any administrator, but it should have been, like the movie...

I'm afraid the by having watched this movie, I may have suffered irreversible brain damage.

How else could one explain that even Armageddon would be more fun (I mean the actual end of the world, not the movie!)

However, the characters state that they are going to use a "nukular" blast to get the core going. While the exact properties of "nukular" weapons are unknown, it is certain that nuclear weapons will not get the job done, and that 1 gigaton of anything won't be enough.

If this movie didn't take itself so seriously, maybe I wouldn't have gotten stuck. C'mon for three hours I can believe in hobbits, light sabers, dilithium, Thermians, lots of strange stuff. I draw the line in the sand at unobtainium.

I AM a geologist and despite my very well honed ability to 'leave my brain at the door' I find the premise of this movie somewhere between unbelievably laughable and highly insulting.

All i wanted to say was that i'm sure if they could have, the Nazis would have used this movie in concentration camps as the worst form of torture.

Yeah, the "physics" in movies today can make you laugh. I'm just waiting for a movie that comes out where a space ship has to crash land on the sun. "On the sun you say, that's crazy, how?" Easy, they land during the night.

Similarly, I had no problem at all with lasers that could drill through solid rock at a speed of 120 knots. But I had a problem with the fact that the inner core seemed to be filled with KY jelly. Since when is molten iron and nickel transparent?

The Core is crap, plain and simple.

Even my dog cried after watching this.

Who cares about the science of it, movies don't have to be realistic, but can they at least try to fool my eight year old?

The best sealant for apparent plot holes is to simply declare that, yes, it can happen! this strategy was delightfully employed by the creators of this awesome movie:
>the Hero - we just can't get there (to the core)
>Stanley Tucci - but what if we could...

>the Captain - well it seems that our suits can withstand the pressure!

(in response to a person who said he worked on the Core's script) You were responsible for helping bring this movie to life? A Plague on your house!

That rat character, every time i saw him onscreen, i wanted to drown my popcorn with gasoline and set fire to it all.

Predictable as it is obtuse and horrible.